Learning To Say NO
I remember a friend’s story who was in a dating relationship and how she gave me gist of her plights during the relationship, especially the times when she had to go against her will to do things just to satisfy her partner even when she knew they were wrong .
There was this particular one that got me, which I can’t seem to get off my memory. It was a situation where she and her partner had gone to a party, on returning home, the guy wanted to peak the enjoyment of the day by getting high and topping it with sex. She refused because she had made a vow for abstinence till marriage. Her boyfriend got angry and started reacting to every slight thing she did as well as neglecting her emotional needs which had fast become a constant re-occurrence. At that level, she feared the relationship could go to ruins so she gave in. She loved him and thought he did too, and she believed the right thing to do was to succumb to solidify the relationship by giving in to sex.
Could this be termed as rape??
Well, my view…
Using manipulative means to get consent is just as bad as rape … or so I think.
But what do I know right??
After about two weeks, she needed to have a checkup and lo, she was pregnant!
Sad you would say, but on the contrary, she was elated, seeing it as a seal to the future of the relationship. She got in touch with her guy only to receive the shock of her life.
He told her to get rid of the baby else it was over between them!!
She thought he just needed time to adjust to the news. After a while she went to his place and brought up the issue again only to get a silly beating out of herself that almost left her unconscious. She managed to survive the incident and you can imagine the rest of the story. If she had stood her ground, I doubt this sort of thing would have happened to her and she sure would be leading a different life as we speak but praise be to God for the preservation of her soul and mind.
Learning to say No takes a lot of willpower, determination and of course the strength of God and the desire to live by His Word. Saying No doesn’t necessarily have to be done aggressively but one’s position must be known to be firm and if it actually does need hostility or aggression to enforce, then so be it!
You must learn to live by standards and principles set down even before the relationship came to be. Well yes, somethings might need to be adjusted but not to one’s detriment and also not forcefully or in an attempt to please the selfish desires of your partner…this is not permissible in a healthy relationship.
I am very well still learning to stand my ground and say “No” to some unhealthy things and I also believe at some point along the race one falls… but I dare you say, always remember and learn to pick yourself back up!! It takes a lot of work and getting use to… God help us all, Amen.
I would like to hear from you some of the ways you think one can go about enforcing some of these steadfast measures. I actually would really like your contributions of all kinds.
Thank you so much for your time here as always.
Yours In Love,