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Relationship Loops 2

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Relationship Loops 2

You remember the ‘faults’ that accumulate in a relationship by the partners themselves which we talked about last week? Yes, that is where we are going to pick it up today. {See the link in case you missed out last week ◇  https://horptie.wordpress.com/2018/07/19/relationship-loops/ }

Hello my lovelies, how have you been through the course of this week? Let me urge fast here… don’t let this weekend slip by without throwing some love to someone and to yourself too. Let’s make it a date to come gist about our experiences on here next week yea?

Do you ever wonder why some couples who indeed love each other are unable to keep it together; the atmosphere around them and their homes? Why it is that at the slightest mistake which could have been overlooked, they are at each other’s throats? Or those unnecessary aggressive responses, in situations you could have gently stated your request or how you want something done… or other moments where all you needed to do was give a nod or a short reply. But no, you chose to give a hostile silence (though truthfully it was to show your displeasure or current mood) but not realizing you could have straight-up told what you were feeling and the anger you felt towards the situation or the person involved.

We do these things. You know you do these things, and do you know the fact I am clearly able to state those circumstances here shows they are moments that can be avoided, actions that could be averted? So how about you put your feet down, in your mind; purpose to stop it, attempt and actually work towards not working it that way again. It is so possible, very real to work against.

The different kinds of loops I have been exposed to in a relationship mostly via counselling include but are not limited to the following which I will try my best possible to rightly outline as I will compress many things in summary.

 Communication Loop.
This one is top-priority and extremely common. It happens in almost all relationships and at one point or the other, in fact it is evident even in non-romantic relationships. So you see why it is ‘biggy’? Like a fellow blogger Oma said, “Communication is the BLOOD of a/any relationship”. I’m sure you know how without blood you are nothing as a living being… Yes! That is the exact kind of qualification to express the usefulness of communication in any kind of relationship.

So tell me how you and your partner can survive without the essentials in a relationship. God help us. We need to learn to talk, to really express how we are feeling to our partners; no matter what the feeling is. You can’t be assuming I’d always be able to ‘read’ you because I said I love you! (I laugh in Spanish here). You need to realize even as a couple – one, you each have those ‘beneath’ stuff you are dealing with without the other person being fully aware of it; and don’t counter me here on how we keep saying you all in a relationship should tell your partners all your pains and sorrows and grieves and secrets-everything. Some things are impossible to be said, more like, to be explained; do you even realize you could be feeling a particular way but can’t even explain to yourself what exactly that is?

communication

To not bore you too much, I hope you understand the utmost importance of
communication.

From here I’d be giving a brief talk on the other points please…

 Distance Issues
So if you people don’t see from time to time, feel yourselves in each other’s arms, smell each other – have a little warmth from each other’s comfort… tell me, how do you ignite
the attractiveness you once found in each other? So don’t you go around saying I am
encouraging pre-marital sex or romance. Hell no. There is a way to go about understanding how to display the affection you guys say you feel for each other (I could give the hints to this much later on the blog #winks). And okay, I get that some relationships happen over spans of lands, lol. This is the real distance-relationship thing we have happening between persons in very different locations. But that’s fine too and can be sorted as long distance relationships are not always doomed to fail; they usually work out too. You want to know how couples in those kind of relationship do it? It still boils down to Communication, inclusive of which there is deep trust, affection, loyalty, honesty and transparency. Hello… accountability too is closely attached. I’m sure you are wondering how… but how not? That is how I put it back to you! Mostly, it is an understanding between you two; knowing what you want, that you want each other and the end result of what you want between you two helps to put and keep you on your feet in the course of it all.

(So I failed in shortening that point #pheeew! – but I have to be open to you. Exactly, I have to be transparent to you because I am accountable to you).

 Distractions
Divided attention from taking care of your partner; inattentiveness to the needs of your partner, forgetting that most of what the person needs is your devoted time which will in turn helps even you to know those things which could seem irrelevant but are the core of who your partner is or should be. Some of these things become evident when you are attentive to each other and in the end helping you to know if you can live with it and with this person in marriage or not.

 Character Oversight
This is like the ‘brief’ of the last statement I wrote above. In this case though, it is realizing that nobody is perfect; every one with their shortcomings and flaws. Then each person being mature enough to handle all but not stupid to manage or settle for less than what they deserve.

faults

 Unresolved (past) issues
This is where you think you are playing mature by staying mute on essential stuff you ought to have spoken up about or those crazy anger moments you just blurted out without thinking; the bottled up pains, the now-too-haggard-mental-state, the undiscussed irritable habits, the misunderstood stances, the flops. Those things you intentionally do to piss your partners off because you are not bold enough to say you no longer want the relationship but clearly know you are off it already. Sometimes, the real maturity is in speaking up about issues; not necessarily making a fuss about them but addressing the issue while keeping the resolution of such issues in perspective.

 Sex Judgement
Well, I saved this for the last because it mostly involves the fold of married people (this is however my opinion. You can choose yours because I am only at liberty to ‘try’ to put you through as ultimately all choices boil down to you, just as God Almighty left all men to make their own decisions after but only after showing us the light.)
This can also be relevant to those who have at a time in their lives been sexually
active (but have chosen a different path now) and thus know how sweet it can get. It is
necessary to give this point to singles and abstaining couples too so they have a slight peak into stuff that can surface in the near future as some may have problems in getting or giving satisfaction to their partners.
Sex with your partner will not always be perfect. Maybe at the initial stages of the marriage you guys got it all right and bubbling but as time passes, hormones
change leaving one partner more sexually demanding than the other, thereby causing a bridge which would have to be mended if the relationship is to stay alive. Because I tell you, as much as sex isn’t the only thing holding a relationship-marriage together, it
is almost the greatest cuff giving it grip. For this, it has to be properly nurtured and cared for and about by each person in the marriage.
For those who have had a fore-experience, it is possible the person you eventually settle down with isn’t as experienced or as ‘skilled’ as those you’ve been with, and so adapting to the change of what you now have and will have to make do with begins to spring up all kinds of issues between you two. In cases like this is where cheating on your partner begins to manifest or loss of interest in the other things your partner can possibly offer.
Sometimes, it even stirs up unnecessary insecurities which usually lead to mistrust in one of the parties when they realize they have been unable to satisfy their partners sexually.

So you see why getting it right from the very beginning and along the whole dating period is so important to keeping a healthy and firm relationship and marriage? There is a lot of effect (mostly negative) to it if otherwise, amongst which are – the physical crisis, the mental ailment, the emotional trauma, the medical complications (you know that cheating part yea? Have you ever heard of HPV? – Human PapillomaVirus – an STD; pre-cancer stage: please make your research on this), and of course, the spiritual implications like diverted attention from purpose as a result of lack of
concentration that comes with unsettled mind.

One big remedy to all of these, among many others that you could make use of is TO BE A CONSCIOUS COUPLE! This way, a lot of defaults can be avoided or corrected. It pays to heed guys.

Finally guys, know that when the beauty fades, these above listed highlights if and when rectified on time are all you may have to fall back on; that is in a situation where you truly love the person you are with and are working towards long-term companionship.

Guys, guys… I need you on this one. Please drop your comments on issues you know that ruin relationships, or things you need clarification and directions on as regards anything. I am so available with the help of the Holy Spirit to respond and try to help you out.

Your Sweetheart,
Horptie.

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Hey there, welcome to my blog; a faith, relationship and lifestyle blog. Thank you for the opportunity to share my world and knowledge with you. Stay with me as we cruise and explore on life matters as it relates to me and you.

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  • Taiwo Tosin A. Esq
    July 26, 2018 at 10:19 pm

    Your submissions certainly captures it all, with a well narrowed down circumstantial situations.
    I postulate that men & women are wired differently…. Attitude, Character, self comportment , impulsive reactions, diplomacy or damage control mechanism and most of all emotional rollercoaster.
    It’s never a mistake when u overlook some situations u could have check his/her excesses while trying to build trust & acceptance… But certainly of u never allow room for errors…. U will be heading for a disaster yet to happen.
    Understanding each others maturity level and the desire to grow, keeps inevitable mistakes under control and manageable.
    We see less with our physical sight and beclouded by Emotions when LOVE is involved.
    Couples & Partners will find the journey of companionship interesting if they learn to do one single thing; When ever a doubt arise as to rights, learning to resolve such doubt against self.

    Reply
    • horptie
      July 27, 2018 at 10:01 am

      This is so true… how that people allow themselves get carried away by the current wave of emotions.
      I like how you structured this “Understanding each others maturity level and the desire to grow, keeps inevitable mistakes under control and manageable”, but I say not “manageable” but “tolerable.
      And this statement -“Couples & Partners will find the journey of companionship interesting if they learn to do one single thing; When ever a doubt arise as to rights, learning to resolve such doubt against self” – is so appropriate!!
      Thank you so much for taking time to read and actually enlighten us more. God bless you.

      Reply
  • rue202
    July 26, 2018 at 11:29 pm

    Certainly alot to think about, but what you are saying is true.

    Reply
    • horptie
      July 27, 2018 at 10:02 am

      Absolutely! 😊.
      Thank you so much for reading. Have a blessed weekend.

      Reply

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