Menu
Relationships / The Witty

Too Scared To Ask?

VANESSA MARANO, RYAN LANE

Too Scared To Ask?

It’s not the “Will You Marry Me” question yet so I really don’t know why you are scared. Neither is it the “Are You Still A Virgin” question that could leave the other person with a bias judgment of you so I’m really still trying to figure out why you seem too scared to tap this person, request for a sit-down discussion and actually talk on how to straighten out this mixed feelings you are having!

I have heard, mostly and thankfully it is only hearing and not me experiencing it, of many cases where a guy was intentionally leading the girl wrongly; Guys being the attacking point in this whole write up because most times they have the upper edge when it comes to holding ladies down – emotionally stricken ones. Very rarely will you find situations where it’s the lady gravely deceiving a guy to the point where he no longer fits into the age of attracting a potential partner as dictated by society. Remember those sayings of “ile obinrin ki n pe su” meaning a ladies age/time ripens quite early leaving little room to play around, exactly that is what happens when a guy decides out of the ruthlessness of his heart to waste a lady’s precious time in unyielding relationships.

Don’t get me wrong, I love and absolutely encourage relationships. Sometimes it is an avenue to learn; to take up lessons that are not life threatening. Some other times, relationships are good foundations to building lasting connections and relating if you know how to play your cards well. Again, other times, going into relationships are necessary to have a feel of how you can learn to keep your emotions together where you get to know how to stay friends with people without unnecessarily expecting something in return, like a testing ground; purely sharing hearts. But these are not instances to encourage non-purposeful interactions. Oh no, absolutely not.

If you have contrary opinions on that, please do well to share your view.

I’m sort of angry drafting this post; like there is this boiling inside of me mixed with pain on the stories I’ve heard connected to this article . You know why?

Like how in the world do you hear of a guy who has been in a “steady” dating relationship with a lady for up to 14 years suddenly calling it quit and within 2 years he supposedly meets a potential somebody, starts dating this person, falls in love and then gets married! Oh really, just within two months. Excuse me, what was he doing all along with that former lady? With no explanation or logical reason for separating, did they not ever talk on what they wanted with that relationship all along? But no, it turned out the way it did. Yes, there will be times where relationships will not end up in marriage/ the general way people expect. But I don’t want to believe that they didn’t see the crash of the relationship coming in all the time they spent in it.

Another scenario is of guys who are actually married but leave room for unsuspecting single ladies to be lured and thinking they have come in contact with potential husband
deceitmaterials. And you will be surprised that these guys justify themselves by saying it isn’t their faults the ladies didn’t see pictures of their spouses because they are not the kinds to do the Social Media PDA (Public Display Affection).

Or those other married ones that do not see anything wrong with flirting, so they play around with words, attention, affection and the likes, getting young ladies wrapped up with thinking they have met responsible guys who can be partners in the nearest future. I know you may think it is impossible for a married guy to keep his status from some peeps around him for that long and keep them from suspecting it. Well no, I tell you it is not impossible – there’s this particular one I know where the guy kept his marital status for almost a year from the lady; how it happened I know, so I can categorically say he was pretty smart about it too.

This really hurts, it cuts through a lot of nerves in me, and it aches! It is saddening. Ladies, how can you not see past your emotions!? How can you let yourself believe you and that guy have something going on without concrete proof of it in clear words?

That is why I say ASK! Ask questions. Speak up whenever you have fears or uncertainties. Express clearly with words what you think it is so you can know for sure what it really is. Talk on these issues so you can find clarity.

If it seems like a guy is hitting on you and you like the feel but he is leaving you confused or wondering what exactly you both are doing together – ASK!

If it is looking like you are beginning to get emotionally wrapped up with thoughts on whether or not you love a guy or he loves you back. My dear, call him, sit and talk!

Are you guessing if you and that guy are an ‘item’ because he’s also giving you this ‘loving’ attitude, or ‘blindly’ encouraging you whenever you throw a green light at him? Other times, you are second-guessing if you guys are even still dating because of the way you see him behave around other girls; the kind of hints he drops for his friends? My dear, only now is the time for you to speak up so you know what exactly you both are doing by staying together. Be blunt now because when he is satisfied and ready to change ‘gears’, he’d do so without hesitations!

Truthfully, there is nothing wrong for a lady developing feelings for a guy first, maybe there are reservations about being the first to profess love to a guy; but I say there is absolutely no reason why you should feel terrible if you think the guy is wrongly leading you to believe he has an interest and you wish to clarify. There are ways to doing these things smartly and maturely, and so why not. Some guys will even leave you confused and when you take the bold step to find out, they give you no straight response to exactly what you both have going on. On this note, I say RUN. Run as fast as your
legs can carry you from them, they are the kinds spiritual beings will call “destiny delayers”. LOL. On a serious note, for your health, for your sanity, for your peace of mind, for growth and progress, stay far away from people like this.

Why am I being harsh with words today?

Well, maybe it is dawning that this is yet another year running to an end – 2018, and
boldlooking forwards, we still have to be accountable for our every steps so far and realizing that there are still lots of godly, single and responsible guys out there with no complications, while this lady is out there drowning herself in depression of how she has been rejected often or how she feels she has been doing it all wrong in her relationships or she still isn’t sure where she stands with one dude like that.

It is so much better and less stressful to stay single, with an intact emotion and mind rather than being burnt out trying to sort an emotionally draining situation! Let them know you know for sure what you want and won’t accommodate being trampled upon by someone who thinks he knows how to go about it all and still win his way through.

My ladies, I love you! (Remember I said earlier that this is one article to favor ladies 😋 ).

And to us, COMPLIMENT OF THE SEASON.

With Love,
Horptie.

Share This;
About Author

Colleagues call me Horptie, friends and family call me Titilope, my favorite though is Tytylurpe. I am a combination of all three. A Relationship Counselor, rational psych, transitionist yet a whelming being in all sense of the word.

3 Comments

Leave a Reply