Choosing Between Him and “The Him”
It wasn’t him to begin with. I just was forcing what wasn’t to stick.
The saying that you never can have what wasn’t yours in the first place is definitely true!
Sitting on my couch, I recall those conversations where it seemed like just banters were being exchanged. I recall it all, all of it.
How could I have missed the signs? Why did I allow it take this long before putting my head together to figure it out?
Anyways, thank goodness it is only late and not a mistake that will stay forever.
I feared losing him. I really wanted it all to be him.
To enjoy the long moments. The quietness. The silence. It
seemed magical only with him. But I guess magic was never meant to stay. They were unreal… always just that: magic.
Moments after we parted. Times we hung out and had to go our separate ways for the night.
How I longed for him.
I thought that was a sign that life couldn’t be without him; but I guess it was just a sign that life had to move on without him.
The minute you realize you worship/idolize something excessively is the moment to take a step back and realize that is most likely going to be what will eventually be your end.
And so, dream but always remember to wake up!
I remember this particular one. It was awesome. We stayed longer on a phone call. There, we slept off and woke up. Taking in the rhythm of each other’s breath. I guess we were trying to find out who and who actually snored in their sleeps. LOL.
With the conclusion that we could tolerate each other’s mode of sleeping – no snores and the like.
I sheepishly laugh! What a way and means to conclude that something really is meant to be.
You may want to see this post on choosing him and “the him”: https://horptiehottalks.com/2018/12/24/why-we-play-along-guys/
Love? Lust? Infatuation? Attraction? Or simply the moment??
Well, I’ll leave that all up to you to decide.
And then I met you! You were nothing like I dreamt of. Beauty is definitely only in the eyes of the “beholder”.
Disclaimer: Beauty doesn’t necessarily mean physical appearance here. In fact, you had the perfect eyes, perfect nose, perfect carve of face, the body build that could only be visualized in thought – absolutely perfect everything.
Only… there was no love.
Well, let’s rephrase that – No magical (/electrical) love.
You gave the attention, the care and just as much love as I was willing to accommodate from someone I wasn’t attracted to, yet, I wasn’t feeling the vibe.
Maybe a little spark because c’mon, no one wouldn’t
wish for a “gentleman” in speech. But nope, no instant chemistry.
To make matters worse, your name was an “off” for me. Who gives a child a name that could wake the gods!? Shit. Your mom definitely did some work in there; your dad maybe.
Anyways, attitudes, looks, intellect, speech… bobo with correct sense! – “let’s say you had it all”.
Yet, the attraction issues.
And so it came with the conclusion that maybe not all that glitters is gold but also that there is definitely more to what love is or should look like than what we pursue.
Another way to see this is, sometimes you intentionally grow an affection. Not because of the materialistic views attached, rather because it is smarter to leave/ stop chasing the one who isn’t giving as much energy and enthusiasm as you are towards wanting to be together.
Create your own vibe. Know what you deserve and own it.
Still, attraction is a huge thing.
Incase you are finding it hard on choosing, then you should see this post – https://horptiehottalks.com/2018/07/19/relationship-loops/ – for possible reasons.
So, if you still can’t create it with the almost perfect gentleman, oh well. They say, there are indeed many fishes in the ocean… swim towards yours in choosing!